martes, 28 de julio de 2009

#13 My place @ Burdett Road 2

Washing machine
3 rooms
2 bathrooms
120 m2

Awsome place, quite expensive tho.
Totally worth it, I guess.

And well I've been eating like a pig these days.

I'll be doing this exam to apply to this career as some kind of translator.
I need to have "intermediate" or "advanced" in english, or french.
In my particular case, I hope I can reach intermediate on english.
If I do, I can go to school only on saturdays, and work on the week.
I'd like to work in a sex shop.
; )

domingo, 26 de julio de 2009

#12 My place @ Burdett Road.

Well, we found this awsome place.
It's so fucking expensive, but hell.
Im pissed off.
Quite pissed off actually.
I fasted until yesterday.
I've been bingeing since then.
Not in the mood for writing, maybe later.

miércoles, 22 de julio de 2009

#11 So, here we go.

Have you ever heard "Mile End" by Pulp?
From the Trainspotting soundtrack (which happens to be one of my favorite movies).

" We didn't have nowhere to live,
we didn't have nowhere to go
til someone said
"I know this place off Burdett Road."
It was on the fifteenth floor,
it had a board across the door.
It took an hour
to prise it off and get inside.
It smelt as if someone had died;
the living room was full of flies,
the kitchen sink was blocked,
the bathroom sink not there at all."

I dunno, I have the feeling that soon, that'll be my song xD.

I kinda sold my soul to the devil (aka, my mom) and she'll lend me some money for the rent.
Tomorrow I'll go flat-searching with my best friend, and her friend.
I hope that with my money, and her money, and his money, and my mother's money, we'll find somewhere decent.

THE EX, told me his mother's flat was available, so maybe I'll ask her.
It would be strange tho, to live in THE ex's house, a bit painful.
But Im kind of masochist, so I'll talk to his mother.

I've been bingeing a lot these days.
I gained 4 pounds. x__x
Im disgusting.

Tomorrow I'll be going to the city so I won't be eating at all.
I'll be back on Sunday, or Monday, to see if the cat is still alive.
Hopefully I'll be down to 98 by then.

lunes, 20 de julio de 2009

#10 Binge binge binge my darling.

As I said before, Im a food slut.
And I deserve a pathetic death such as choking on a cookie or something.
Im moving in a couple of weeks and Im really excited about it.

domingo, 19 de julio de 2009

#9 K. and the pizza from hell

Well, I stayed chez this friend.
His mom made me eat.
(I had forgotten how is it to be forced to eat)
And I ate a sandwich and TWO slices of pizza.
Im gross.
But I managed to stay in 99 lbs.
Thanks gods of weightloss.

I fasted today.
Im fasting tomorrow.
And the next day.
And the day after.

sábado, 18 de julio de 2009

#8 Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.


And changed my mind, IM NOT DRINKING.

Now Im officially poor, I must save every fucking dollar (assuming I use dollars, which I dont) I have.
I can't afford being skinny, and neither the jack daniels.
But, maybe now that I'll be poor, I can really get into the fasting stuff, and as I'll be working my ass off to get somewhere (besides the bridge) to live with the cat ;P, and buying the cat's food, and kitty litter, so I won't have any money for food.

I hate myself for being so stupid.

Lost another pound, back to the 99's

viernes, 17 de julio de 2009

#7 shalala

Lost 1 pound :D
Had 444 calories "yesterday" (considering 2:00 am as saturday) in the shape of...

2 1/2 cookies = 144 cal. (gross)
3 quaker bars = 285 cal. (worse)
1 half sized orange = 15 cal.

I fucked a lot. (That does count as exercise, rite?)

"Today" Im eating nothing, and drinking the world, and hopefully, fucking a lot too.
Or, maybe I'll be too drunk to fuck.
"Tonight" I get the results, so.... god Im so fucking nervous.

I want that.
I want to be the skinny bitch that drinks Jack Daniels.
For now, I can only afford the Jack Daniels.
But I'll be the skinny bitch, and that's a fucking promise.

Thinspirate me.

#6 Oh, I can't thank you enough

For not eating.
Yesterday I fasted, and today Im 101 lbs.
Which, is still awful, but, maybe tomorrow I'll wake up in 99.
: D
Which reminds me, tomorrow I'll get myself a bottle of Jack Daniels, and drink, and get drunk, and, fuck Das Kind, and then puke a lot (because that's what I do when Im drunk) and then fall asleep, all in name of becoming Miss Puma, or not.

I hope I get drunk fast, because whiskey has like a million calories per glass.
So screw you 99 lbs of saturday morning, Im sure by Sunday I'll weight 4 more pounds.
But it's like so totally worth it.

I can always starve the next day.

jueves, 16 de julio de 2009

#5 Kill me, Kill me, Kill me.

I stayed chez my best friend the last couple of days.
She's the only person (besides my ex) with whom I feel comfortable enough to eat, or even binge.
Which puts her in a really special position but, for me its awful.
I like feeling uncomfortable eating in front of people (or eating at all).
And well, I stayed chez her, and binged a lot, and now Im 103 pounds, and I gross me out.
Im back at home now, where I can starve myself in peace.
Hope to get back to the 90's soon.

sábado, 11 de julio de 2009

# 4 still on day 3

I fasted today.
Managed to get to 99 again.
Im sure its just water weight, but I don't care.
I really enjoy the not eating thing.
Makes me feel less fat (even if Im not)

# bloated

I've got my period.
Im still 100 lbs.
Yesterday I did leave 3/4 of my veggies, but I ended up eating a package of cookies.
Im lousy.
Oh and yeah, I had the rest of my veggies for dinner.

But I'll blame blood coming out of my uterus for my lack of will, and consecuently, gain of weight.

viernes, 10 de julio de 2009

#2 Scared to death

Today's weight 100 lbs.
What's fucking wrong with me, I did it so well, until yesterday, but anyway, Im not gonna change my stats, because I swear, for tomorrow I'll be 99 again!
I've said.

Also, today I'll hang out with this girl, and Im really really scared. She wants to eat.
Im thinking of ordering veggies, and leave 3/4 of it.
I don't want to eat, I don't deserve to eat.

jueves, 9 de julio de 2009

Entry #1

What a lousy beginning for this blog.
I fasted for about 5 days, and today, guess what, I binged.
On sushi.
I deserve the most pathetic death.
Also, I didn't have the heart to puke $20 sushi, so, I had a shitload of laxatives.
I've got a date with my toilet tonight , and well, lets see tomorrow's weight.

Oh dear...



I've been blogging since, a lot of time, but in my language, and well I decided to go international.
Also, this is quite different to what Im used to write.
I mean, I intend this to be strictly about my relationship with food.
Also, you'll (whoever ends up reading me) have to excuse my lousy english, I'll do my best, but I haven't practiced my english since I was 13, so, you'll have to excuse my grammar/spelling mistakes.


Hello, my name is Kat and Im what I like to call PAFFW (Post Anorexic Frustrated Fat Woman).
A long time ago, I had anorexia, and well, now I just live with the sequels of an unfinished rehab.
My life since then is binge, starve, binge, occasionally purge, starve.
Im not Ana anymore, but I still want to be fucking thin.

[They took away my bones, but not my will of power]